I have internet access at home now.  I think I'll start blogging again.  It took me a number of attempts to even get the right username/password combination.

Part of moving to a new city is finding a church.  Bleghh.  It's a difficult process, primarily because I have to fight the thought that I'm "church shopping."  But isn't that what it is?  I sincerely hope not.  I am hoping that by processing the adventure through this blog, I won't be shopping, but will make an informed, Spirit-led decison. Besides, if it's in writing for all the world to see, I'm sure others will let me know if I'm becoming a church consumer.

The most difficult part of the process is that I do not know where I am going to live.  It is VERY important to me to live near the church that I attend.  I plan on getting involved, and commuting to church is super difficult.  I've tried it and know that it isn't for me.  I've battled with the decision to either find a church first and move according to the church location, or find a place to live first and then choose a church near where I live.  Regardless, I also don't want to commute a long distance to work.  I'm doing that now, and I'm not a big fan. 

I have now been in Colorado for 4 Sundays.  Two of those were spent at the church my mom attends.  I like the church and am so glad she has found a place to connect.  It's not really an option for me because of the location.  It's FAR away from work, meaning it will be far away from where I live as well.  So it's off the radar.  Besides, it's a bunch of rich white folks.  I've been there, done that. 

Just for clarity: I moved back to Colorado last Friday, February 23rd after living in Texas for 10 years.  I graduated with my Master's degree in December and was looking for a social work job in either Texas and Colorado.  I got a job offer in Colorado.

I left all that was familiar in order to move back to a different type of familiarity. I grew up in this area of Colorado, I'm living with my parents temporarily, most of my family lives here, I came back to visit at least twice a year the entire time I was in Texas.  I don't get lost driving, I know what to expect in terms of weather, I am comfortable in my home, and yet...

I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore.  This has been confirmed in my mind countless times over the past week, especially while chaperoning a high school retreat. I'm glad I'm not a teenager because:

- I would hate to have to wear my pants so low that my butt crack frequently shows, and to be totally oblivious to it.  Ew!  (And it's not as easy as just telling teens to buy different jeans.  I still buy my jeans in the juniors dept. and the majority of jeans really are that low.)

- The teen years are full of insecurities.  Being the wise old age of 27, I no longer feel the need to run everything by my friends.  (For example, I don't need to get a second opinion about what I'm going to wear for the day.  All weekend I continually heard "what are you going to wear?" and "does this look okay?")

- There is way too much emphasis on being "sexy".  Sexy should never be an attitude/look that a high school student feels they need to portray.  And yet myspace.com pictures are often quite provacative.

- I don't have to ask permission to do most things. 

- There is way too much pressure on teens in academics and athletics and extracurricular activities.  They live under the fear that if they don't do it all perfectly then they won't get into college.  And in the process of being involved in everything, teens are just exhausted.

I'm thankful that I'm "old" by their standards.  Old is okay with me these days.

It's the middle of spring break and I am more exhausted than I was before it started.  I usually look forward to the week to get rest and a little extra sleep.  But I'm just worn out and there is little rest in sight.  My cousin and her boyfriend flew in this past weekend and spent 5 days at my apartment.  We had fun and it was so good to see them, but whoa.  We were busy- dinner downtown, Four Day Weekend comedy, shopping, Billy Bob's and a walk around the Stockyards, a picnic, an afternoon with other Texas relatives, Fossil Rim, Ol' South.  I got to sleep in every day, but having company is still exhausting.  And there is always some emotional exhaustion when I spend time with my family.  I love them dearly, but I'm not always sure I'm actually related to them. 

The rest of my week is also a little crazy... either a drive to Houston to visit a college roommate and go to the rodeo, or a drive to Lubbock with my current roommate to go to a funeral.  And I'm so tired that I can't make a decision.  I can't think straight and I have to fight back tears.  I don't function well when I'm tired! Since I'm at work I can't actually go into shutdown mode or take a nap.  Bleghh. 

(Yea! the brown box is gone although I did NOTHING different)

This comic strip was in the paper a week ago and I've been meaning to post it.  I have a staff meeting this afternoon so it seems especially appropriate today.  (To understand the comic, read my post on Jan. 24, 2006).

I always knew the day would come.  It's just part of growing up.  But two phone calls in two days was too much.  What joy, how exciting, what a blessing.  I was surprised by my response because underneath the joy was pain.  Pain that caused tears.  Jealousy and frustration and grief and sadness came welling up from deep within me.  So today, in this moment, Blessed Be Your Name.

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name